TFLN Texts of The Day

Texts of the Day:

1. (570): Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
2. (323): You got in a fight last night?(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
3. (206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
4. (517): careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
5. (636): Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
6. (509): My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
7. (616): Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
8. (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
9. (972): so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.(214): so how much did i say i owed you?(972): $5 and a new fuck buddy.
10. (562): The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!(916): Awkward!(562): No he was cute and I said yes!