I Completely Forgot!

Today is National Hairball Awareness Day. . .ya, you read that correctly. But be careful when planning some of your celebrations today because we are still in Coin Week, National Karaoke Week, Cowboy Poetry Week, and my favorite-National Sky Awareness week. Apparently it's not too obvious that the sky is constantly there. If anyone wants to celebrate DNA day/Malaria awareness day tomorrow let me know. I'm all about it.

via Brownielocks (isn't that some kind of sexual thing?)

Apple Has A Weak Spot For Dead Babies

Bad title? Oh well. Apple recently pulled an application called "Baby Shaker" off it's app store Wednesday. This comes just two days after it was released. The application is shown in the video below.

I don't know who thought of this but it's both disgusting and genius. Genius in the sense that this person will now have their name out there, disgusting in the obvious ways. I'm guessing it was one of those kids you knew when you were younger-the one who ate shit he clearly wasn't supposed to, the one who drank at like 11 (before you thought it was cool at 13), or this kid.

Michael Scott, King Of Saudi Arabia

Sometimes I wake up and wonder what the hell to write about and then I click on CNN and only have to look as far as the first video.

A man in Saudi Arabia divorced his wife via text message. . . and the court approved it. I didn't even get to watch the whole video because this gem caught me off guard:

"Saudi law permits husbands to divorce their wives just by saying 'I divorce you.' But Saudi women can not do the same. If they seek a divorce they have the right to go to court and ask for one."

Apparently Michael Scott rules Saudi Arabia.

Earth Day Smacks

This post has nothing to do with Earth day. Frankly I'm sick of calendar days being dedicated to stupid shit like Talk Like Shakespeare day, Sweetest Day, or Boxing day. F Canada.

Anyways here's a video of two women smacking each other for some contest:

Fast & Are We Fucking Kidding Me?

Obviously this short review of Fast & Furious is very timely but I don't care. Really wanting to see a movie last night I went to see this because we tried to be nice and not see Crank 2 without a certain friend. (I know what you're thinking, we purely want to see Crank 2 for comedic value)

I digress. Movie starts with The Pacifier (which was sadly better than this) and his new crew (Michelle Rodriguez, 2 Dominican guys, and the Asian guy from Bow Wow Drift and his gf) stealing a fuel transport and then the crazy explosions and action happens. Skip forward Michelle Rodriguez dies and we see Paul Walker is in the FBI again; the FBI that is apparently your pushover mother seeing as he does whatever he wants. Pacifier has to avenge Michelle's death because their motto for love was "Ride or Die". . . .I'm not kidding. He ends up teaming up with Paul Walker to take down the drug lord responsible who has recruited them to transport drugs from Mexico to the U.S. Skip ahead through some horrible acting and standard racing scenes and they catch him and put him in jail. Pacifier feels he can finally own up for his crimes and is sentenced to 25 years to life in prison. (Favorite part because I thought this franchise was dead) Movie ends with the crew about to break him out on his prison transport.

I didn't write "SPOILER ALERT" at the top because that only applies to good movies. I laughed at the serious parts (graveyard scene) and the only thing that I enjoyed was seeing Jordana Brewster. If you really wanna see this movie I will blindfold you and drive you around in a parking lot revving my engine and I can provide the bad acting on my own.

See this instead:

Kevin Garnett Sure Knows How To Swear

If you watched the Bulls/Celtics game last night you saw Kevin Garnett sitting on the sideline with earrings so big that if one were taken out he'd probably snap is fuckin neck. Also you noticed how many times he said Fuck and Motherfucker. I'm gonna guess 99% of the time the camera was on him it happened which might amount to 10 or so times. I don't know, I'm not a mathematician. Couldn't find video of it but here, enjoy this:

Yeah Yeah = Boom Boom

Sometimes you grow up watching certain movies that can't be touched. And sometimes actors from those movies grow up and touch their girlfriends really hard and really fast with the back of their hand. Yeah Yeah (Marty York) from The Sandlot was arrested for hitting his girlfriend.

"Sources tell TMZ York was driving with his girlfriend in Los Angeles when they got in a heated argument. York says his GF struck him with her high heel shoe and he retaliated by punching her in the eye, causing a cut. York says they drove home, where the argument continued. A neighbor saw the cut on the woman’s eye and called the cops. York says, “She got violent and started attacking me in the car… it caused me to swerve all over the road… I almost crashed and got in an accident… so I backhanded her.”

York says he and his woman are officially “back together.” [TMZ]"

Wow. I can't help but wonder where the rest of The Sandlot kids are now. . . actually someone already did that.

Highlights from some of the updates:

• Smalls last appeared in The Black Donnelly's (Great show until it got canceled)
• Benny The Jet/Louis Mendoza(Mighty Ducks) is a firefighter
• Ham Porter is into Scientology and fairies and shit
• Kenny Denunez/Jesse Hall (Mighty Ducks) had a few tv spots and nothing else since it seems
• Wendy Peffercorn is still acting supposedly on CBS, which means she pretty much isn't

[Filmdrunk]

Never Mess With a Russian Hairdresser

This is the kind of thing that makes my work day so much better. A small salon in Russia was closing up for the day when a 32 year old man came in and attempted to rob the store at gunpoint. The customers and employees alike, all frightened, were ready to cooperate until the 28 year old owner (a yellow belt in karate) knocked his ass out and tied him up with a hairdryer cord. She then locked him in a utility closet and told workers she was going to call the police but instead this hilariously happened:

"When everybody left home, she approached the man and ordered him to ‘take off his underpants’ threatening to hand him over to the police if he refuses to cooperate.

After that Olga raped her hostage for three long days. She chained Viktor to the radiator with pink furry handcuffs and fed him Viagra."

Run down of embarrassment: Getting knocked out by a woman while you have a gun, getting raped by said woman for 3 days, and to top it off pink furry handcuffs. This story is too easy to make jokes so here, enjoy this instead:



[FOX Phoenix]

How Much Is That Slumdog in the Window?

Sorry for the bad title but the father of Rubina Ali (Slumdog Millionaire) reportedly tried to sell his daughter over the weekend. The mother and even Rubina herself are denying this but his excuse is that it would be impolite to turn down offers from strangers. I guess asking to buy another man's daughter is not though. Also reported was that her uncle tried to up the price (originally $75,000) because she was special, an Oscar child.

I liked the movie and thought the kids provided some of the best acting so it's kinda sad that this happened.

[People]

The 183rd Time's A Charm

Not really funny but back in March of 2003 the mastermind of the supposed mastermind of the 9/11 attacks was waterboarded 183 times. That breaks down to almost 6 times a day. If you're not familiar with waterboarding a person is placed on their back with some type of rag or cloth over their head and then water is poured on their head which simulates drowning.

Now I'm not going to way in on if this is bad or too extreme (I mean he IS a prick) but I can not imagine feeling like I'm drowning six times in my life let alone a day. I freaked out when I was a kid and would get dunked under water. Plus the water in the nose feeling sucks.

To lighten the mood:



[CNN]

Friday Links-Sorry

Apparently Friday's Links didn't show up. Sorry.