Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Could've Fooled Me
Love at first sightDon't worry the economy is still in shambles so why not have another pointless study.
"A recent study of college co-eds found women 18 to 25 believe men view excessive drinking as a sexy trait, but they're wrong. Seventy-one percent of women overestimated how many cocktails men would like them to drink on any given occasion, according to a study in Psychology of Addictive Behaviors."
College researchers, supposedly smart people, keep spending money on studies that are not only stupid (ed. common knowledge) but that are unneccesary. Now that women know being drunk is not a turn on to men is the economy going to turn around? Are the troops coming home? World peace at last? No, No, and for sure no.
But go on college researchers, keep doing your jobs. I may need to know if gunshots to the head do not feel good or if driving your car blindfolded on the highway does not prevent cancer.
[Sun Times]
Monday, March 9, 2009
Jobs would be more fun if they were like hip-hop remixes. . .
So I've been listening to the Lonely Island's "Incredibad" the last few weeks and it's amazingly hilarious. The song "Old Saloon" made me realize an interesting point-more jobs should be like hip hop remixes (the song is a parody of remixes if you're too lazy to listen). So for entertainment purposes I've included the song below and a few jobs that would be a little more interesting this way.
Job #1: Barack Obama's Speech Writer
Just think while Barack may be talking about the economy I wanna know who wrote the speech, probably every 5 minutes. And we have to know if it's new as well. So every 3 minutes or so I wanna hear "New Shit" followed by his speech writer randomly yelling out his name and something stupid like "the freshest, sickest, stupidest, dopest, greatest, and -estest speech writer you know."
Job #2: Surgeon or Doctor
I think open heart surgeons would be great at this. I mean who wants to sit in a operating room for hours without hearing "Dr. Patel!" screamed randomly 57 times. It'd be great when you have multiple doctors in too from different departments. As I'm going under I wanna hear about the "Cardiac Crew" or the "Anesthesiology Crew." I don't that's just me.
Job #3: Lawyer, Athlete, and Cop
Pretty much already happens
Job #4: Store Cashier
Why not? I wanna get rung up at Target or Jewel or something and hear someone yell out "Steve Motherfucker" right in the middle of announcing my total. It'll make me feel better about spending money. That or they could yell out random things I'm buying like "Loofah" "Pizza Rolls Bitch" or "this that Egyptian cotton bed sheet shit." (Maybe I buy random shit, judge me)
Job #5: Librarian
Too easy but entertaining none the less
Job #6: Pharmacist
I think every prescription should be yelled out (unless you're old or involuntarily injured). While comical it would also show you who your neighbor's are.
Job #7: Waiter or Waitress (Chef pretty much does it to an extent)
I wanna be entertained if I'm out to eat and since Benihana's has pretty much cornered the exciting chef stuff I think it's up to the waiter. And I don't want an Ed Debevic's experience where I'm degraded in a G-Rated Disney manner. I wanna know my entree is new and fresh and I think the whole restaurant should too. Also I wanna know what the annoying couple who brought their screaming kid to a fancy restaurant is eating so I can yell at them to shove their exotic Flamingo Fillet or sauteed Sea Horse down their kid's throat. I imagine rich pompous people that don't discipline their kids right (meaning beat) eat shit like that.
Is this too much to ask in life?
Job #1: Barack Obama's Speech Writer
Just think while Barack may be talking about the economy I wanna know who wrote the speech, probably every 5 minutes. And we have to know if it's new as well. So every 3 minutes or so I wanna hear "New Shit" followed by his speech writer randomly yelling out his name and something stupid like "the freshest, sickest, stupidest, dopest, greatest, and -estest speech writer you know."
Job #2: Surgeon or Doctor
I think open heart surgeons would be great at this. I mean who wants to sit in a operating room for hours without hearing "Dr. Patel!" screamed randomly 57 times. It'd be great when you have multiple doctors in too from different departments. As I'm going under I wanna hear about the "Cardiac Crew" or the "Anesthesiology Crew." I don't that's just me.
Job #3: Lawyer, Athlete, and Cop
Pretty much already happens
Job #4: Store Cashier
Why not? I wanna get rung up at Target or Jewel or something and hear someone yell out "Steve Motherfucker" right in the middle of announcing my total. It'll make me feel better about spending money. That or they could yell out random things I'm buying like "Loofah" "Pizza Rolls Bitch" or "this that Egyptian cotton bed sheet shit." (Maybe I buy random shit, judge me)
Job #5: Librarian
Too easy but entertaining none the less
Job #6: Pharmacist
I think every prescription should be yelled out (unless you're old or involuntarily injured). While comical it would also show you who your neighbor's are.
Job #7: Waiter or Waitress (Chef pretty much does it to an extent)
I wanna be entertained if I'm out to eat and since Benihana's has pretty much cornered the exciting chef stuff I think it's up to the waiter. And I don't want an Ed Debevic's experience where I'm degraded in a G-Rated Disney manner. I wanna know my entree is new and fresh and I think the whole restaurant should too. Also I wanna know what the annoying couple who brought their screaming kid to a fancy restaurant is eating so I can yell at them to shove their exotic Flamingo Fillet or sauteed Sea Horse down their kid's throat. I imagine rich pompous people that don't discipline their kids right (meaning beat) eat shit like that.
Is this too much to ask in life?
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