TFLN Texts of The Day

Texts of the Day is now blocked at my job (probably a good thing) so we'll see how many I put up a day as I don't want to type that much since iPhone's can't copy and paste:

1. (850) Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
2. (860) Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
3. (850) TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas. (407) i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
4. (304) I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
5. (443) my mom's boyfriend is over for the first time. he's already telling me and the little sister how he's so comfortable around us that he'd easily change into his bathing suit in the middle of the kitchen. i nonchalantly told his french ass that we don't roll like that in america, carefully pronouncing "a-mer-i-ca" so he could understand.
6. (516) what, no i told him that it wasnt necessary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
7. (616) Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
8. (814) listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
9. (304) My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary" ...greatest adj ever applied to my dick.
10. (845) don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter.

[TFLN]

Eddie Murphy

Saw an Italian kid driving today whose hair could be cut and the spikes used as darts. So here ya go:


This is one of my favorites:

Kyra Sedgwick Has It Rough

(Don't fault me for liking Rachel Ray)

Kyra Sedgwick blogged and was talking about Footloose, Chace Crawford, and something else. Then she started talking about how society is a man's world and, well here, you read it:

"Case in point: Even Sedgwick found it tough to request extra vacation days from her TV series. "It was a hard thing to ask for," she says, "whereas if it was a man … it wouldn't have been a big drama. For me, it was, 'Is this an okay thing to do, they all count on me, what are they going to do without me?' It was all a little grandiose."

If you're unfamiliar with her, she's married to Kevin Bacon and her show (The Closer) is on the NBA Channel TNT. I have personally never watched it because Holly Hunter and Kyra Sedgwick are like twins that I could care less about.

Back on topic though, she is the star of this show, the headliner ( although J.K. Simmons is pretty much great in anything. I'm sure the director (Kevin Bacon directed 3 times) and the producer gave her a lot of shit. Wait, according to IMDB she is a producer. I often have a hard time looking myself in the mirror and asking myself for a day off. Also, you're an actress. Your life (at this point) is no longer hard. I'm not saying your job is easy but you're not living in Detroit wondering if your kids will have dinner to eat. Go bitch to someone else.

Women don't take this as me thinking there's no sexism left in the world, I know there is. Real women suffer from it everyday but I don't think actors (men or women) have as much to bitch about.

[People]

Ooops

Terrorists apparently needed a break, so we gave them one.

"The government accidentally posted on the Internet a list of government and civilian nuclear facilities and their activities in the United States, but a U.S. official said Wednesday the posting included no information that compromised national security."

How do you accidentally post a 266 page document online? I can't accidentally read 1 page let alone post an entire book's worth of pages on the Internet. I'm pretty sure the part about "not compromising national security" is accurate. Nuclear is Latin for not harmful at all I believe.

Good job America.

[Yahoo]

TFLN Texts of The Day

Texts of The Day:

1. (212): I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
2. (816): FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
3. (330): I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
4. (416): i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
5. (805): before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
6. (404): I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high(954): Yeah, I don't like babies at all
7. (410): it was a mass text i'm sorry(603): do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
8. (225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.(504): Who won?(225): All of them.
9. (914): I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
10. (440): so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"

[TFLN]

Jon & Kate Don't Use The Bathroom Together Either

People.com wrote up an article about how Kate from the Jon & Kate start a basketball team show took her 8 kids to the beach without her husband. There have been rumors that both have cheated with evidence pointing to Jon more or less. (Apparently they have a secret contract that allows him to cheat as long as he's around for the cameras.....luckyyyyyyy)

I digress though. This would be a big deal if she took them by herself. I sometimes can't take myself places because I can't control me, let alone 8 kids. This family is notorious though for having a ton of nannies (not just on camera either) so I don't feel so bad. Plus she's getting paid to do what most people do for free-parenting. Suck on it People.

She's hot now, but enjoy eating today after seeing this:

[People]

Eminem Gets Up Close With Bruno

The MTV Movie Awards were Sunday and although I didn't catch them (I'm sure I can catch replay 847,657 of 1,000,000) I did see this little "event." People are saying this is orchestrated with Eminem knowing it was too happen and I believe it. Popular theory is that he didn't know Bruno would be naked which I can believe. I don't know how many people would agree to have this happen but judge for yourselves.

Oh Yeah, GM Did Something....

...and I believe it went like this:

Conan's Back

*Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, I have a life (kinda) and a job.

So the long awaited debut of Conan as the new Tonight Show host was last night and I think it was a great show. Funny all around and he didn't disappoint. The only thing I was a little sad about was that Andy wasn't on the couch with him.

Either way great show and if I ever go to Universal Studios I want a trolley tour with him.