TFLN Texts of The Day

Texts of the day:

1. (267): i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
2. (865): If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
3. (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
4. (706): Did we have sex last night?(1-706): I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
5. (203): I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
6. (604): I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
7. (325): That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
8. (310): you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
9. (865): Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
10. (403): and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants

Jessica Simpson Can Predict The Future?

Jessica Simpson had an interview in the new edition of Glamour that took place before her break up with "that's my quarterback." She pondered about how she would cope with losing Tony Romo. She then likened a breakup to a "close death in the family." Except I'm pretty sure your creepy dad doesn't push them to their death. It's ok though because she can rely on her many talents like her brains:


Her great music:


Or her great acting:

Bill Clinton Did Not Get The Hans Brix Treatment

Bill "Superman" Clinton went to North Korea to get two American journalists freed from North Korea for spying-at least I think it's spying, I refuse to read the article I'm attributing this to even. I basically picked this up because Billy C did what our President couldn't do and most importantly for this:



[SunTimes]

Wisconsin Women. . .

I hope most of you (men) have heard this story by now and maybe taken caution. No, I'm not saying don't sleep around, just don't do it in Wisconsin.

A man was tied up, blindfolded, and bound to a bed in a Wisconsin motel by his wife and three lovers. He was then assaulted physically and sexually (re:penis super glued to his stomach). The women obviously committed a felony and face six years in prison for the offense which is nowhere near long enough.

I think the guy actually came out on top in this story though, he will for sure be getting a divorce and will no longer be with a woman from Wisconsin.

[SunTimes]

Saved By The Bell Reunion

Does it really even matter? The (televised) Saved By The Bell reunion that everyone can can't wait for-the one that is being spearheaded by Jimmy Fallon- is running into a few problems. Those problems happen to be Dustin Diamond (Screech) and Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding). The People magazine issue above came out recently and had the entire cast except Screech, Mr. Belding, and Leah Remini (I can hope) on it, which naturally led to bitching.

Like everyone else I grew up with this show and while it would be cool to see them all together I could also do without it. Part of the appeal of this show was being a child and watching it. Then you get to high school and realize this isn't partying, you rarely talk to your principal, and fights are a lot worse than this. Oh well, I'm sure it will happen because everyone is so busy these days.