TFLN Texts of The Day

Texts of the day:

1. (267): i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
2. (865): If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
3. (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
4. (706): Did we have sex last night?(1-706): I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
5. (203): I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
6. (604): I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
7. (325): That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
8. (310): you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
9. (865): Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
10. (403): and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants