Just Wait to You Smell My D*ck

Police in Port St. Lucie (Ed.-No clue where that is) have issued a warrant on a 25 year old man. The man came home and as he was using the restroom his 37 year old wife of 3 years asked him to "display his penis so that she can smell it." Apparently asking him if he was cheating was too subtle so smelling his penis was a more blunt approach. The man who is not into this kinky foreplay shit then proceeded to punch her in the mouth as she went to sniff and then kicked her when she was on the floor. True love did prevail as the woman became uncooperative with police when they informed her of the warrant that would be issued.

This seems like a little Joey Grecco action:

If you've never seen Cheaters you are deprived, or probably a good person.

And here you go as well:


[TCPalm]

Snow

Hoffman Estates is derived from a Latin phrase that is loosely translated to: We don't believe in plowing or salting our streets. True story.

In totally related news:

The King Doesn't Believe in F*ckin Obesity

So me and my girlfriend were talking the other day and here was our conversation:

GF: You know, your cologne is ok and all but I just need something more that arouses my senses, something that defines a man.
Me: Really, well what could I get that would help? Maybe like Sex Panther, maybe sushi, or even crayons?
GF: No. I need you to smell like a Whopper.

Ok so that conversation never happened but apparently someone high up at Burger King did have it, or they smoked a lot before going to work.

Either way it does give me a chance to watch a great commercial again.


[Telegraph]

Honey, Let's Break Out a Nice Bottle of Red While I Beat You. . .

A couple from Japan were on a United airlines flight to California when the husband decided it was time to get fucked up, and then fuck shit up. The man drank wine throughout the duration of his flight and when they landed and went through U.S. Customs he decided to use his wife as a punching bag, six times. The couple, who are still together, have decided to sue United for their legal fees and of course"emotional distress."

I don't know how much emotional stress United caused when you hit your wife not once, but six times. I think there may have been problems before the wine was introduced. As wrong as it is at all, six times is no accident, it's a fucking final round knockout attempt.

On the other hand this video (which has nothing to do with the story) is, well, watch:


[Tribune]

Drew Peterson Engaged. . .

Drew Peterson is engaged to a 23-year old victim woman from Bolingbrook. If you are a complete shut-in and have not been following the news over the last, well ever, Peterson's 3rd wife was found drowned in a bath tub that was ruled a homicide and his 4th wife has been missing for about a year. Drew was upset and according to the paper this was his response this morning:

"A sleepy Peterson on Wednesday morning seemed perturbed that news of his engagement had leaked.
'I can't believe this is happening," he said. "How the f--- did this get out?' "

I can not even begin to think what kind of woman would marry this guy but this might be the answer:



[Chicago Sun-Times]

Dirty Dancing is No Prison Thriller

So I finally watched Dirty Dancing after it's been out for a million years and I figured I might as well. The movie was ok. I kept expecting Johnny to reveal that is real name was Dalton and he was there to be a cooler at the country club. Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse is as good as it gets with Next of Kin a close second. Just think how much better it would have been if someone got their throat ripped out in the end. Plus I can't stand movies where everyone breaks into the most amazing choreographed dance routine at the end.

On the other hand prison choreography is amazing.

Thriller

Don't get excited either that is a man.

Soulja Boy and MC Hammer


These are all inmates and this is a form of rehabilitation they use. They have a bunch of other ones on youtube that are pretty good like Low (Apple Bottom jeans), I Need A Hero, and more.

President Bush Hates Skechers as Much as the Next Person

Ok so the title is 100% false but I thought it would be funny. Since Dubya really is just doing whatever he wants I think catching the shoes and firing back or using his own shoes would have been pretty good. His more natural reaction was probably to crap in his hand and throw it at someone though.

Back in Action

So I haven't updated in awhile. I'm fixing that.