Father Time: Fight Club

This story has been heard before by some of my friends so it's not really new but it is worth telling. A few months back I was relaxing at home with my dad having a beer on the couch. As he was drinking as well I figured he would be asleep soon as he normally does when he drinks. I was wrong.

We were watching Versus which always has hockey or some kind of MMA fighting on. This night it happened to be MMA, specifically WEC. Up to this point I have watched a decent amount of WEC but not with my dad, and not with beer. This is where I discovered my father's unrequited bromance for Urijah Faber. (Now don't get me wrong, the guy is a great fighter and seems like a genuinely good guy, but my dad praises him as if he's the second coming of Steven Segal*) My dad immediately launched into a 5-10 minute speech about how good he is, how sometimes he has braids in his hair and he normally doesn't like that because it's "gay", how he's the California kid, and I think I even heard him say he's a great kisser. Needless to say the new Jesus Segal wins the fight and my dad is pumped up. Then the unthinkable happens. . .

. . .actually it doesn't, my brother comes in no later than 5 minutes after he's supposed to. Dad's throwing F bombs like he's trying to lose cargo off a sinking ship all the while my brother is apologizing. All the mean while I'm realizing that 5 minutes late for my brother is early for anyone else so I am a little taken aback. My brother finally apologizes one last time and says he's going to bed. As he's walking up the stairs the exchange goes a little like this:

"Dad: What did you say?

Brother: Nothing.

Dad: Oh you wanna fight then?

Brother: No I never said that.

Dad: That's what I thought, pussy.

Brother: I'm going to bed.

Dad: Ha ya."

(I took out 50% of the convo, the swearing, in case you wanna read that to your kids one day)

So what did we learn today? Bromance, alcohol, family, and MMA do not mix, and I'm sure jean jackets don't either.

*My dad's worship for Segal will be a whole different post.