TFLN Texts of The Day

Texts of the day:

1. (509): I want to make a zoo with you.
2. (815): I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
3. (512): I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
4. (919): I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
5. (312): Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.

Fuck This Guy

Not really, he's lucky and, being a charity worker, probably deserves it.

"A bungee jumping, ostrich-riding British charity worker was named Wednesday the winner of what's been dubbed the "Best Job in the World" — a 150,000 Australian dollar ($111,000) contract to serve as the caretaker of a tropical Australian island.
Ben Southall, 34, beat out nearly 35,000 applicants from around the world for the dream assignment to swim, explore and relax on Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef for six months while writing a blog to promote the area."

Writing a blog and getting paid to do it is my dream job. Plus a free residence on the ocean, hard times I guess. I got offered it but I don't like open water so you know, back to sales for me.

[Yahoo]

Obama Got A Burger? Holy Shit!

("Joe I'm fucking starving, let's GO!")

Why is this news? Obama and Biden went out to get hamburgers. . . . Ya, this is not news unless you're The Onion. I mean this is not drama:

"The two leaders went right up to the counter where the meat was being grilled and ordered.
Each fetched cash from his pocket and paid, and then the pair stood like the rest and waited for their number to be called before going to a table."

The Suntimes found this newsworthy? They didn't mention the part where the two men then were hand-fed by supermodels and then spit on minorities afterwards.

[Suntimes]

Rock God? I Think Not

Some seasons of American Idol (read: 2) I watch, most I don't. This is one of them that I do not watch. Last night Adam Lambert covered a Led Zeppelin song and was told he was a "Rock God" by not-Paula Abdul and basically praised by every judge. I'll admit it was good and the guy can sing but, American Idol, fuck you.

I think you're disrespecting the legends of Rock and Roll by saying that, including Led Zeppelin and Slash (who was there as a mentor....?). He has talent but he is not "Rock God." Sorry. That's like saying Zac Efron or Vin Diesel are acting icons that others aspire to be like. Full video below, cut to the 3:00min mark for the judges sucking him off.

Father Time

Story about my Father again. Not happy about this one.

So the jean jacket junkie was off last night which is pretty much like walking through a mine field with a mine sweeper on low batteries-you may get lucky and make it but most likely shit's gonna blow up. This being said we get through a relatively peaceful night of dinner and Operation Repo (another family bonding show as is this) without a hitch. . . . Until a few hours later when I walk past the computer room and my dad says to me:

"Look at these people I went to school with on Facebook."

I somehow knew this day would come when my parents would catch up with technology but I avoided confronting it. I really hoped it wouldn't actually because I still don't know how to react. This might be appropriate.

Be prepared to see these things happen now that my Father is on Book:

1. People start seeing Brendan Fraser movies
2. Britney Spears wins a lifetime achievement award and mother of the year
3. Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes president after the constitution is amended
4. Jesus comes down to earth to catch a football game but returns immediately after the Lions lose even with his help
5. People watch Nascar
6. Your mother loves you
7. Flo Rida, Akon, and Lady GaGa are tapped to revamp the National Anthem
8. I leave book......maybe