TFLN Texts of The Day

Texts of the day:

1. (403): you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
2. (719): then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
3. (918): The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
4. (815): Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
5. (323): Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?(1-323): We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?(323): Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
6. (416): I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.(1-416): u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
7. (732): my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
8. (858): I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
9. (909): why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
10. (978): my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night

[TFLN]