TFLN Texts of The Day

Texts of the day:

1. (360): She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
2. (973): Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, it is usually in some way in control of California.
3. (519): i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis.
4. (850): JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
5. (415): if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
6. (503): So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
7. (406): we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
8. (916): He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
9. (313): sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test. (1-313): but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
10. (678): Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
11. (813): i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
12. (732): I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of luck strikes right now. Post-hiv.
13. (516): I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
14. (831): You should get sea herpes (813): I mean sea horses
15. (248): Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?