TFLN Texts of The Day

Texts of the day:

1. (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account(1-216): damn...impressive bar tab(216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
2. (303): My hand turned me down
3. (330): what are you wearing?(703): Just my guilt
4. (903): I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
5. (510): my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
6. (248): I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
7. (443): they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
8. (207): using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
9. (732): ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
10. (540): that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen(703): i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid