TFLN Texts of The Day

Texts of the day:

1. (828): if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for a gold right now.
2. (44): What's everyones problem with my costume?! (1-44): It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
3. (206): I thought spray tan was a myth (1-206): ? (206): You know, something that only happens in Jersey
4. (502): Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job. (973): I'm moving there. Get me hired.
5. (508): Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
6. (403): Are you so shy because you have an std?
7. (850): It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
8. (917): Eric got herpes from Jo-ann (914): That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
9. (650): like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
10. (216): He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.