Father Time: Fight Club

This story has been heard before by some of my friends so it's not really new but it is worth telling. A few months back I was relaxing at home with my dad having a beer on the couch. As he was drinking as well I figured he would be asleep soon as he normally does when he drinks. I was wrong.

We were watching Versus which always has hockey or some kind of MMA fighting on. This night it happened to be MMA, specifically WEC. Up to this point I have watched a decent amount of WEC but not with my dad, and not with beer. This is where I discovered my father's unrequited bromance for Urijah Faber. (Now don't get me wrong, the guy is a great fighter and seems like a genuinely good guy, but my dad praises him as if he's the second coming of Steven Segal*) My dad immediately launched into a 5-10 minute speech about how good he is, how sometimes he has braids in his hair and he normally doesn't like that because it's "gay", how he's the California kid, and I think I even heard him say he's a great kisser. Needless to say the new Jesus Segal wins the fight and my dad is pumped up. Then the unthinkable happens. . .

. . .actually it doesn't, my brother comes in no later than 5 minutes after he's supposed to. Dad's throwing F bombs like he's trying to lose cargo off a sinking ship all the while my brother is apologizing. All the mean while I'm realizing that 5 minutes late for my brother is early for anyone else so I am a little taken aback. My brother finally apologizes one last time and says he's going to bed. As he's walking up the stairs the exchange goes a little like this:

"Dad: What did you say?

Brother: Nothing.

Dad: Oh you wanna fight then?

Brother: No I never said that.

Dad: That's what I thought, pussy.

Brother: I'm going to bed.

Dad: Ha ya."

(I took out 50% of the convo, the swearing, in case you wanna read that to your kids one day)

So what did we learn today? Bromance, alcohol, family, and MMA do not mix, and I'm sure jean jackets don't either.

*My dad's worship for Segal will be a whole different post.

Father Time

The jean jacket junkie is on vacation for a month starting today. I expect this portion of the blog to increase drastically and hatefully. You've been warned.

Father Time

Story about my Father again. Not happy about this one.

So the jean jacket junkie was off last night which is pretty much like walking through a mine field with a mine sweeper on low batteries-you may get lucky and make it but most likely shit's gonna blow up. This being said we get through a relatively peaceful night of dinner and Operation Repo (another family bonding show as is this) without a hitch. . . . Until a few hours later when I walk past the computer room and my dad says to me:

"Look at these people I went to school with on Facebook."

I somehow knew this day would come when my parents would catch up with technology but I avoided confronting it. I really hoped it wouldn't actually because I still don't know how to react. This might be appropriate.

Be prepared to see these things happen now that my Father is on Book:

1. People start seeing Brendan Fraser movies
2. Britney Spears wins a lifetime achievement award and mother of the year
3. Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes president after the constitution is amended
4. Jesus comes down to earth to catch a football game but returns immediately after the Lions lose even with his help
5. People watch Nascar
6. Your mother loves you
7. Flo Rida, Akon, and Lady GaGa are tapped to revamp the National Anthem
8. I leave book......maybe

100th Post= Story About My Dad

100th post deserves some real comedy. Some of the best comedy is in true life, i.e. my father. To preface this story there's a few things you need to know about him:

1. While not having invented the original seven swear words, he sure loves to use them, plus some, while inventing his own.
2. Jeans. The man loves them. Jackets, shorts, and pants. Can't get enough of it.
3. He is never wrong, ever. It's like a bad Chuck Norris fact. I have proven the man wrong with factual evidence before and he has won the arguments by resorting to rule 1.
4. He does not watch sports more than maybe 10 times a year (and that's pushing it). This said he says he likes the Chicago teams but always doubts them. Furthermore he roots for the Sox just to piss me and my brother off. That said.....
5. Watching a game with my dad is like trying to take a hot girl home while your buddy constantly points out her flaws and every thing that can possibly go wrong with her, but he's "rooting for you."

These are just a few things about my father that make him unique and by NO means are these bad, he's a great man, he's just eccentric.

On to the story now. Last night we were both watching the Bulls game. He had come in to watch it completely at the beginning of the fourth quarter when the Bulls were up. As the fourth quarter dwindled down and the Bulls had a double digit lead my Dad looks at me and says, "They're gonna lose it." This is the equivalent of a curse. He's done this before in baseball, football, and basketball. The man knows barely anything about sports but makes statements that somehow always come true. I look at him and shake my head in disbelief. The man hates Chicago sports.

Fast forward to the end of regulation and he has this smug look on his face knowing he is about to be right. Skip through Paul Pierce hitting everything, Brad Miller almost crying, and the Bulls lose. I look over and he's smiling and laughing as if he was a kid caught in a lie.

The Bulls lost to ruin my night and I end it by hearing my father laughingly tell me, "Told ya so." FML