Texts of the day:
- (267): i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
- (865): If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
- (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
- (706): Did we have sex last night?(1-706): I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
- (203): I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
- (604): I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
- (325): That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
- (310): you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
- (865): Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
- (403): and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
1 comment:
Thanks for these! Always make me laugh:)
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